Many people, probably like yourself, wake up every morning and wish that they had a 17-year-old high schooler to tell them how to live their lives. If this sounds like you, then you’re in luck. As the new school year drags along, I will be collaborating with a John Adams High School lifestyle and fashion icon, Tommy Barton, as well as sifting through the worst and best trends I’ve witnessed throughout social media feeds in the past few months. We will be exploring the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of the 2022-2023 school year. 

Ins:

1. Wearing sunglasses on top of your head is so in. I am tired of being ridiculed for the presence of sunglasses on cloudy days or indoors. The popular look of curtain bangs has proved itself permanent within teen culture, and sunglasses are the perfect way to push them back and achieve an effortlessly boujee look. Winter will not impede this functional and stylish use of accessories. If you plan on following my expertise, I’ve linked my favorite pair of sunglasses here. 
2. Next, tennis is absolutely coming into this school year. I am tired of having access to a shockingly large tennis court at all times and not using it. Literally feet away from the school is a fantastic and cute collection of playing grounds for the perfect sport. Every time I play tennis, I get worse, but I always end up sweating. Not only do you get a fantastic workout, but you can also look good doing it. If you haven’t found a use for the tennis skirt you bought during quarantine, it’s time to dig it back up and get active. Attached is my favorite outfit to wear while playing tennis. Feel free to take inspiration from it, but every time you post a photo that even remotely looks like mine, go ahead and tag my Instagram @lizziepmg so people are reminded of the influence I have on the entire generation.
   

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3. Complaining needs to carry on into the ongoing school year. I know people always tell you that complaining will get you nowhere, but if we’re being honest, they’re wrong. Tommy says, “I love complaining,” and I couldn’t agree more. Venting and getting things off your chest to your friends feels like floating. If you need things to complain about, just check out the “outs” list below!
4. Riding your bike to school has been slandered since I can remember attending public school (since age 5). Don’t even mention the bashing of people who wear bike helmets. Frankly, I am afraid to cycle outside of the comfort of my own block, especially wearing the gear that would protect me from a third concussion. It’s time to break these barriers and embrace biking leisurely to get from place to place. Yes, I can drive. Yes, I have a parking pass. However, imagining myself taking ten extra minutes to let the wind fly through my hair and get a fantastic workout and a VIP parking spot near door 6 is extremely tempting. Did you think I forgot that I need to look good while I do it? Here is my favorite biking fit!
5. If you own Snapchat, you are probably aware of the fad of private stories called “photo dumps”. To translate for old people, these stories are essentially a collection of random photos that are distributed to an audience of select friends. Some might argue that these private stories are protecting strangers from seeing you. In that case, I completely understand. On the other hand, I am convinced that most private stories are created because people are too embarrassed to post goofy-doofy photos for everyone you know to see. I believe it is time to break this insecurity and start posting every terrible picture regardless of who sees it, because caring about what other people think is so out! Attached are some examples of things I would love to post for everyone I am friends with on Snapchat to see.
   

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6. Being delusional must return to the current times. As Tommy says, “As long as you believe something hard enough and you are persistent enough to attain it, nothing is out of reach. I feel like the only way to live is to just be delusional.” Oftentimes people ask me how I achieve so many things: “Lizzie, how are you so beautiful, confident, intelligent, successful and humble?” My answer will always be that I am completely delusional!
7. If you have airpods in right now, throw them out. Now. We are bringing wired headphones back in. If you are upset because you don’t have a headphone adapter built into your phone, be quiet and go get a dongle. Tommy says, “Wired headphones are really in at the moment because it shows a kind of dedication to be different. They’re also an iconic staple of the early 2010s which are making their way back into the trend stream.” If you are afraid to wear humongous over the ear headphones, it’s time to face your fear. Prove your commitment to being quirky and purchase this obnoxiously large pair!
8. Walking like you are in a runway show in the middle of the school always is just necessary. Tommy argues, “At the end of the day, there is nothing more iconic than being the star of any place you go to and honestly, who else is walking like a runway model? Nobody. So do it yourself.” Be the Bella Hadid of your own environment and start treating all sidewalks like catwalks. 

If you’re getting tired of reading this because I’ve been entirely too encouraging, don’t worry. Now, it’s time for all the negative stuff!

Outs:

1. If you ever applied makeup in the year 2016 you are probably all too familiar with the phenomenon of matte lipstick. I’m hoping that that familiarity has since dwindled down because matte lipstick is so out. Tommy added, “I don’t even know what to say. It’s dry and cakey. Who seriously prefers a chalky lipstick to a good gloss that looks hydrating?” Personally, everytime I see matte lipstick, I think of the horrendous but captivating “100 Layers of Lipstick” challenge. If you need to replace your disgusting lipstick, try this gloss.  
2. Not wearing sunscreen is getting abandoned this school year. Do you care about your skin? Do you care about your health? If you answered yes or no to these questions, I really don’t care. You need to wear sunscreen anyways. Sunscreen prevents aging and skin cancer. Tommy puts it lightly by saying, “When you’re 70 and look like a hideous ostrich clutch from last season because you didn’t wear sunscreen, don’t blame me.” You really can’t blame them after reading that quote. If you don’t know how to find a store near you, you can click the link here to find a good sunscreen for your face. 
3. Sorry dairy-lovers, cow’s milk is so gone. If the visualization of an utter dispensing of milk isn’t unappetizing enough for you to stop, I’m not sure what to say. It’s so easy to replace that nasty milk with a better alternative. “Lizzie, it won’t taste the same if it’s a non-dairy alternative!” Yeah. That’s kind of the point. Cow’s milk tastes gross. Tommy says, “One word: pus. That’s enough.”
4. Backpacks are gone this school year. You’ve heard it being announced all over the school that they are not allowed in classrooms, but I’m saying we need to eliminate backpacks altogether. It’s time to ditch the Jansport you’ve had since 6th grade. All you really need to do is put your books in the passenger seat of your car, take them to your first class in the morning, and then immediately exit the school without going back into your locker! If you have “too many books” to not have a backpack, you’re either lying, or you’re a freshman. I’m not sure which one is worse. 
5. All-nighters will not be coming into the new season. Why would anyone want to stay awake when they could sleep? Every time I have pulled an all-nighter, I have immediate regrets. I’ll stay up until 3, 4, maybe even 5 on a special night, but I will be going to sleep in my own bed for the remainder of the morning. What is urgent enough that I need to stay up all night for? Homework? I can do it in the morning. Significant other? They’ll be okay. Night out? It’s called a night out not a morning out. 
6. Stranger Things will be leaving this instant. Wow, this show was really fantastic… in 2016. I was eleven in 2016. I started watching the fourth season and by the third episode just said out loud, “This is so bad.” If you’ve seen the Eddie Munson cult following, I’m sorry. Throw the Hellfire Club shirts out. It’s time to be adults.
7. Self-checkout needs to be GONE. As with many other business tactics, large companies are just begging the consumer to do work that employees would be doing. One, stop being afraid of Target workers and go to a real checkout. Two, by falling into this scam, we are depriving the public of being employed while simultaneously making more work for ourselves!
8. Lastly, and perhaps the most controversial is Netflix. Yes, Netflix was a pioneer in the streaming industry, and it holds a special place in the hearts of this generation, but it’s time to let go. Step back and ask yourself this question: “Do I have Netflix because I enjoy the content, or do I have Netflix so I can scroll looking for something to watch, only to be reminded of a show I want to watch on a different platform?” When surrounded by the streaming stars of the 21st Century like HBO Max and Hulu, Netflix is just becoming irrelevant!