Trigger Warning: Violence as a result of death, hate crimes, transphobia, bullying, and violent anti-trans rhetoric

Disclaimer: While initial reports of Nex said he used they/them pronouns, it has recently come out that Nex used and preferred he/him pronouns at school and occasionally used they/them. This article will mainly use he/him for Nex.

March 31, 2023. 

I am waiting for my mom to pick me up from school for a doctor’s appointment. While waiting, I decided to use the restroom. As I am transgender, I have a key to access staff bathrooms for my safety. Public bathrooms have never been comfortable for me or many other trans people, as we are never sure how people will react to us no matter if the bathroom we choose correlates with our gender or our sex assigned at birth. This staff bathroom happens to be attached to a public bathroom. As I enter, I see another student holding his phone up at me. I ignore it, assuming he is looking in a mirror of some sort. When I come back out of the bathroom, there he is again, holding up his phone camera with a group of friends around him. 

There is no mirror. 

I am their spectacle.

I did not know what to do, I did not want to stir something up and get myself hurt. As I walked away, the camera and their eyes followed me. I smiled and waved, and walked out to my mom’s car.

I assume they were filming me. I have no idea what they did with it. I don’t know why they did it, but of course I have my theories. It must be entertaining to them to film a trans kid in the bathroom, funny to see the people you hate in uncomfortable positions. I stopped using the school restroom after that. I just wait until I am home, it is safer for me that way. Even when I used a bathroom that was out of the way, I could not avoid other people’s eyes. I did not and do not want to know what could happen to me next.

February 7, 2024.

16-year-old Nex Benedict, a student at Owasso High School, walks into the women’s bathroom with his friends because that is what Oklahoma state law told him to do, use the bathroom aligning with his sex assigned at birth. As has been so frequent for Nex over the past year, he is made fun of by three older girls. Nex was never afraid of who he was. If you were not going to accept him, it was your problem, not his. In retaliation to the girls making fun of him, Nex splashes water on them. Furious, a fight ensues between the three girls and Nex. “They got my legs out from under me, got me on the ground, and started beating the s[***] out of me,” Nex recalled later while speaking to a police officer. Nex said that he blacked out at one point during the assault.

When school officials broke up the fight and walked the students to the office, Nex could be seen unsteady, swaying on his feet. No police or ambulance were called, and no help was given aside from the nurse advising Nex to seek further medical attention. Instead of properly tending to him, the school suspended Nex for two weeks. It is unknown what punishment the three girls received.

Their adoptive mother and biological grandmother, Sue Benedict, took Nex to the hospital. There, they spoke to a police officer about the possibility of pressing assault charges against the girls. The officer advised against doing so.

The next day: February 8, 2024.

While preparing to leave the house, Nex suddenly collapsed. On the 911 call, Sue Benedict frantically asks for help. Nex’s eyes were moving rapidly, his breathing labored and his hands posturing, an indication of severe brain damage. 

At the hospital, Nex was quickly pronounced dead.

Nex was a good kid. He was a straight-A student, confident, quick-witted, and beloved by many. He loved his cat, drawing, reading, cooking, and playing video games like Minecraft. He was always kind and patient with his family in regards to his identity. When talking about him, so many people emphasized what a bright person he was, lighting up a room just by being there.

Ally (they/them), a friend of Nex, recalls, “It was one of those things where you meet them and you automatically feel like you’ve known them for years kind of thing. They were such an adventurous little thing. It was never really a dull moment with them.”

Nex was unabashedly himself, something I always admire as a trans kid like him. As someone who is proud and vocal about my identity, I know how hard it is to be yourself. It is hard to be yourself, receive push-back from it, and continue to pretend like everything is fine. I do not care what people say about me, neither did Nex, but I do not think people realize how much hatred has to be thrown your way before you get to that point where you really understand the hate of others is useless. Yes, Nex was a trans kid and it affected many facets of his life. But he was also just a kid. A kid who just wanted to be happy, to be safe. There is such a small chance of us being born out of thousands. Every person on earth is miraculous and rare. And yet we hate each other deeply enough to inflict physical harm just because someone is not like you.

Eli (she/her), a friend of Nex, took the words out of my mouth when she spoke at a vigil. “Something I’ve said a lot in the past few days is that I feel like the state is failing us. Whether you feel like being part of the LGBTQ+ community is wrong, we still are people and they’re failing us. I feel like Oklahoma acts as if they are accepting of all. We have safe places, but [Oklahoma] is not a safe place.”

Eli is beyond right. Oklahoma is not a safe state at all for transgender children. Oklahoma currently has 60 anti-trans bills in circulation. When prompted about the death of Nex Benedict as a result of increasing hostility towards transgender people, Oklahoma State Senator Tom Woods sends his condolences only to go on to disgustingly say, “We are a religious state and we are going to fight it to keep that filth out of the state of Oklahoma because we are a Christian state — we are a moral state.”

In the eyes of Oklahoma, Nex Benedict was filth and needed to be kept out of Oklahoma, his home, where he was born. Ryan Walters is the current Oklahoma State Superintendent of Public Instruction and is vocally against the queer community. His verbal violence against the queer community is such an important factor in the death of Nex Benedict. At the end of the day, if he had put in place proper protection and education for queer youth, the chances that Nex would be alive today are very high. When people in large political positions rally against a group of people, they know their followers will listen and act upon their words. That is no secret. Walters chose to be openly queerphobic knowing what it could mean for queer youth. He should be held accountable for his disgusting rhetoric. So should Tom Woods and every other politician calling for the eradication of transgender people and enacting laws to do so.

This nationwide “trans panic” has killed so many, not just by violence, but also by suicide. We are facing unprecedented records of violence against transgender people and this number will continue to grow if we do not do something.

If you do not do something.

Many people wonder how we could sit idly by and let so many past instances of hate happen. They ask themselves why no one did something or how they let it happen. That is happening right now. Anyone who does nothing to help trans people from the persecution we are facing is in some part responsible for it all.

Inaction is violence, there’s no gentle way to put it because the truth isn’t gentle.

Every time I see another trans kid die, I mourn as if I knew them. My heart aches with an indescribable hurt. We should not be talking about Nex in past tense, he should be here to speak about what happened to him. Soon, widespread media will forget him and move on to other atrocities, but I will not forget. Nex was so much like me and reminded me of others that I know. It reminds me that simply because I am transgender, I could be killed at any point, at any place. Like so many other trans kids, I will live in fear everywhere I go, afraid of what people may do. I will always have to muster up the confidence to hold my boyfriend’s hand in public. I will always feel my heart skip nervously when I introduce myself with my pronouns. I will always have a new tragedy to talk about at Pride Club, the one place where these things should not be able to hurt us.

But instead, they let us die. They let us be mourned before our time and they let us be forgotten.

In a heartbreaking moment, Ally states, “For some reason, it’s like I’m always looking for them wherever I go, even though I was there at the funeral. I watched them be placed in the ground. I was one of the last people to leave. I always look for them in crowds, and I’m still waiting for them to come back to our class. I do miss them a lot.”

As of March 1, a formal investigation into Nex’s death has been launched, meaning we likely will not be able to learn more information until then. Personally, I am hoping for more information to be relayed about Nex’s cause of death. Currently, police have said his death was not a result of trauma, though there are numerous instances in this case to suggest otherwise, such as Nex’s nausea and posturing to indicate head trauma.

“Nex had a light in them that was so big, they had so many dreams. I want their light to keep shining for everyone. That light was so big and bright and beautiful, and I want everyone to remember Nex that way.” -Sue Benedict