At the beginning of March, when it became very apparent that there would come a point where school had to be canceled for some amount of time due to COVID-19, I was overjoyed. I spent most of my time at school complaining about it, so, for the most part, getting a few weeks off of school seemed like a dream come true. I kept that same attitude for a few weeks until it was officially announced that we would all transition to “e-learning” for a period of two weeks. I actually started to think about what it would be like to have a completely online schooling experience, and then the “dream” of not having to get up at nine every morning to go to school seemed much more like a nightmare.
As bad as I thought this entire situation was going to be, it has been much worse. At this point in time, I think I have gone through every hobby imaginable, and, even the ones that were sort of interesting, have become incredibly boring for me. I spend most of my time scrolling through Tiktok, or staring at my wall while crying. This has been and still is a horrible experience. My ability to focus is at an all-time low, making it difficult for me to dedicate time to schoolwork. My sleeping schedule is encroaching on nocturnal, as I am sleeping from 4 AM to 3 PM. I feel like I am stuck in a loop, doing the exact same thing every day, regardless of what day of the week it is. I miss seeing people outside of my family. I have decided that I am a very extroverted person, and, because of this, it is really hard for me to be alone all of the time.
School was my main source of social interaction, so, without that, I have been a bit lonely. I never realized how much I enjoyed being able to talk to my classmates or receive lectures from my teachers. Those aspects of school made all the work and early mornings worth it. I actually feel like I have more work now, or maybe it just seems that way because I am more stressed and lack the motivation to do anything. I suppose I am happy that this all happened when it did, and not earlier in the year, just because it would have been awful to have model UN or mock trial be canceled. Realistically, the only thing I am missing out on is taking the SAT, which is probably a good thing, since I will have more time to study. Regardless, I have determined that I absolutely hate online school, as most of my assignments feel like “busy work,” making them ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
I am someone who really likes to plan things ahead of time, but, due to COVID-19, I am completely unable to plan anything. Everything is just really uncertain right now, and that is difficult for me because I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in the future. Because of this, I tried to become more focused on the present. However, I am incredibly bad at doing so, and usually, I just end up thinking about the past, which I counterproductive to anything I am trying to achieve. Even so, I think it is a good thing to continue to try to do. All that has happened as a result of COVID-19 has made me realize how much I took everything I had for granted. I hated going to school every day, but I thought I would always have to, but, now that do not, I would do anything to go back. In the future, I am going to be much more grateful for what I have, because things like school, social interaction, and being able to shop without wearing a mask are not guaranteed, and I never thought about that before COVID-19. My biggest concern is that it will take a longer time for everything to go back to normal than we all think it will, or that it never will. I miss being able to do all the things that I love with the people I love, like shopping with my friends or going out to eat with my family. Even with a future of uncertainty, I know that as soon as I am able to do those things again, I will be more thankful than I have ever been.